Everyone is my Guru

You ask life to show you where you are not free. It delivers.

This has been my lived experience over the last few months.

It has shown up most clearly for me in parenting and in sexual relating.

In this moment, free from strong identification with my human story, I see that you are all my gurus. You are all my teachers.

Every moment is here to show me something about myself; to reflect me back to myself.

To know the false self, so the Self can be.

In parenting, my youngest son has shown me where I was coming from attachment rather than love.

All his life he has “forced” me to surrender control; to do the best I can to keep him safe, and then to let go and trust life.

To face the truth that I would rather he live (and even die) in freedom than live under control.

As a nine-month-old baby, he was already determined to sit on the edge of the table, one butt cheek hanging off, playing with a sharp knife and staring at me.

It occurred to me that he was observing my discomfort and fear until I surrendered, trusted him, and continued making dinner. I knew that if I stayed in fear, he would continue to push the limits.

At nine months old, he had no concept of attachment to his life. He simply appeared to be delighting in the game whilst being fascinated, curious, and attuned to my responses.

I had already had some practice by then.

My firstborn was always determined to climb the highest tree and get onto the highest roof. As a young mum, I copped a lot of judgement for allowing his freedom.

But my youngest, my third son, took it to a whole new level. He loved climbing coconut trees, and he never chose the shortest one.

Every time I prayed. Every time I felt like I would vomit with fear. And every time, he dropped the coconuts and came down smiling.

Once, he did fall from a shorter tree and somehow landed softly. A total miracle, especially given I’ve had friends injured from falls, one still in a wheelchair, determined to walk again against the doctor’s prognosis.

Born rebelling against my fears and asserting his independence, my third son started experimenting with substances this year. I did not cope.

The fear of addiction, mental damage, and overdose was overwhelming. I oscillated between paralysing fear and rage. It triggered remnants of a bipolar-like condition from earlier in my life.

I could see my intense attachment to his life, but I could not shift it. Everything felt wrong, and I blamed myself. For the first time ever, I did not know how to communicate with or connect to my son, and this terrified me.

A few months later, with more spaciousness around it, everything occurs differently. The connection with my son feels stronger than ever. I trust him completely.

As I came to earlier in his life, I would rather he live, and even die, in freedom, knowing I support that freedom, than live under control.

At the same time, I feel empowered to set clear boundaries around what can occur in our home so as not to jeopardise our lease. And there are moments where I can genuinely join him and his friends in experimenting.

I am deeply grateful to those who supported me through this. And I am grateful to have loosened my grip on attachment to my son’s life, so that I can be with him in love.

And swiftly on the heels of this, life brought me medicine through men I am, or have been, sexual with.

What followed wasn’t dramatic on the surface, but it felt dramatic internally. In reconnecting with a man I had been sexually connected with in the past, I watched myself slip into old programming almost immediately. I got excited. I future-casted, despite myself. I felt attachment begin to form. And with that, I felt myself move out of my free, sovereign, grounded centre and into a narrowing focus on him.

As my attention focused more on one person, my inner love-light dimmed. When my love is equanimous, I feel the most open and expansive. I love without grasping, without preference, even though some people are naturally more relevant to interact with than others.

These past few months have crystallised my understanding that focusing from attachment rather than presence diminishes my availability and generosity for life. I have been shown, once again, that my tendency to fixate on one person has not been transcended and is something I need to remain mindful of.

There is nothing wrong with the interaction itself. Sex is not the issue. Desire is not the issue.

The issue is subtle and internal: attention turning into fixation, curiosity turning into story, openness turning into expectation. I saw how quickly I moved from learning and meeting life as it was into unconsciously trying to get something from the interaction.

With that shift, I was no longer free. I became a prisoner to my own mind.

At the same time, I found myself on the other side of the same pattern. In experiencing someone fixating on me, I saw with confronting clarity the dynamics I have participated in many times before.

What is hard to see from the inside becomes unmistakable when witnessed externally. This experience renewed my commitment to prioritising freedom and staying connected to source.

I have been reminded of my conviction that the purpose of interaction is learning and growth, nothing more and nothing less.

When I am not pulling toward me or pushing away, when I am not grasping for outcome or identity, connection remains clean. Sex can happen. It doesn’t need to happen.

What matters is staying anchored in freedom, allowing life to show me where I am not, and responding with honesty rather than story.

I am not perfect, of course, and in my commitment to freedom, my own and others’, there are times when I can come across as insensitive. I can move into teaching or offering perspective without first asking for consent. I can speak into stories before I’m invited.

Not because I want to fix or override anyone, but because I am oriented toward what I can see beyond the cage of identity and conditioning. Still, I can feel where I move too quickly and lack attunement, and I am taking responsibility for that.

In the past, I didn’t always hold these moments well. I collapsed into self-doubt, over-accommodating, or abandoning my own ground. This recent situation showed me that I’m becoming more adept at noticing where I miss the mark while still staying committed to my own freedom and the freedom of others.

I don’t live exclusively from inner freedom, although the moments when I do are increasing. There are times like recently when I get drawn back into the mind, into analysis, into fear, into trying to work things out from a human perspective rather than from source. And I don’t always move myself out of it immediately.

There are also times when I consciously choose it. I enjoy my friends. I enjoy relating. I enjoy human story. Sometimes I indulge it because connection and relatability matter to me. For me, freedom isn’t the absence of story. It’s the ability to move in and out of story without being owned by it.

When I was in the thick of the parenting crisis, I questioned whether I had any right to support others at all. I felt like I wasn’t “together enough,” like I needed to resolve everything before offering anything. What I see now is that this was just another story. If anything, that experience has given me a deeper capacity to hold people in fear, shame, rage, and uncertainty.

I’m not a coach for everyone. I work best with people who genuinely want freedom. Some of those people are parents. Others are not. What they share is a willingness to question assumptions, look honestly at their stories, and take responsibility for how they are being with life, with their relationships, and, where relevant, with their children. They care about aliveness, sovereignty, and living powerfully, and they are brave enough to examine their own conditioning.

I hold my offerings lightly. There is a pricing structure, yes, but resonance and freedom matter more to me than dollars alone. If you have financial constraints, reach out and we can talk. 0476032201.

I’m a single mum, my time and energy matter. At the same time I’m deeply committed to working with those who are truly ready. If you’re excited by the idea of getting free of old stories, inherited patterns, and programmed limitations, then I invite you to begin here.

And even if you never work with me, the orientation that Everyone is my Guru stands on its own. Life is always teaching. The question is whether we are willing to listen.

This is the practice I’m committed to, no matter how many times I forget.

The moment I’m triggered, irritated, or wanting something to be different, it usually indicates that I’ve forgotten this premise. Remembering that everyone is my teacher returns responsibility to myself, and with that comes empowerment. Then, reactions become information and every charge is an opportunity to see where I’m not free yet.

And may this post plant a seed of curiosity in you, inviting you to let go of trying to get something from life and instead surrender to being a student of it, so you can realise the inner freedom that is always already here.