Thank you to life for giving me another another day!
Today was/ is magickal. All alone. I am the only one home tonight for the second night in a row. This is rare since I had my first baby almost 22 years ago.
I had fun in my own company. I practised driving all through the inner city, collecting bargains for our home from Marketplace. There were times it felt all warpy, and I was so aware that I was in a Matrix created by my own mind, feeling quite “zoomed out” as though I was observing a game.
Other times, I felt more human and missed/ longed for my partner and lover. They are both at ISTA Level 1. Other times, I was grateful to feel this longing; on a human level, to deepen the appreciation and, on another level, to have the opportunity to tap into my own inner love.
I talked to myself, and I fell in love with myself a lil bit more. I stuck to my word of empowering thoughts, and it was fun to catch and turn around “negative” thoughts.
I remembered the last time I drank Ayahuasca. It was in a period of shadow work and exploring existential kink. I “heard” that it’s totally fine for me to dive into the shadows, if I want, but to know that it’s never ending. And that I can also simply choose love and have whatever I want. That last bit could occur hedonistic, but with Ayahuasca in my body, I can feel the oneness of all, so “wanting” is for the collective, beyond the individual.
Then, through my recent training, I can see that there are no shadows in the present, and everything is happening now, and now, everything is possible. So, all concerns about “spiritual bypassing” subsiding as I see there’s nothing to bypass when here, now. No stories when here now. Nothing. No thing. Quiet. Presence and the possibility to create anything. Freedom.
Arika Yaeli 