Is this Love?

After an intense day/ week/ year of facing my sh*t, my nervous system is so soothed to have this cutie sleeping next to me, lightly snoring.

Ironically, but perfectly, in cocreating an event to inquire into “Where Does Love Come From?” I’ve been coming up against all that is ‘not love’ within me, and I feel to share a lil bit.

This man so sweetly and subtly came into my life, and I had no idea what would unlock in my heart and my body or what a potent teacher the connection would be.

I am so grateful for the mystery of attraction, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to deepen the inquiry into “Is this Love?’

The intensity of love and lust “triggered” by this “other me” (we are all one after all) is fascinating to observe/ feel.

And I have been asking myself why, with this particular man, can I love so deeply without the shadows of possessiveness, control, neediness and expectations present.

However, 3 and 1/2 months of loving so easily, purely and freely “finally” got “tainted” with shadows over the weekend. He is leaving Australia to go back to his home country in June, and I misinterpreted something that was said, and all of a sudden, the abandonment shadow raised its head.

The experience of devotion and service to Love disappeared from my being, and the abandoned little girl inside took over.

I’m grateful for my ability to see and own my sh*t inside of this connection, and I’m SO grateful for his ability to hold space so calmly, without trying to fix or change anything.

It was such an epic reminder that this connection is here for growth and transformation.

It’s not about me getting anything from another. It’s not about me getting what I think I want.

It’s about me seeing all that is “not love” within and holding that until it transforms into wanting for him what he wants for himself (love).

When it is uncomfortable, I know that I have strayed from my commitment to Love into jealousy, fear, attachment, neediness, expectations, control, stories.

It is then my choice to own this and commit to Love again. Until the next breakdown